Goodbye to You by Abbie Bernstein
Buffy Magazine catches up with the beloved Amber Benson, as way say a popular goodbye and take a look back at Tara’s time on the series.

Tara Maclay may be the most mourned character ever to depart from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Over the course of three seasons, we watched her grow from a painfully shy college student into a compassionate, firm-minded woman whose good judgement made her the chief voice of reason among the Scoobies in Season Six – and whose innate gentleness didn’t stop her from axing a demon when her beloved Willow was in danger. Tara’s life was cut short not by typical Sunnydale monsters or magic, but by a bullet intended for Buffy, fired by a man who didn’t even know Tara was there.

You played Tara for three years on Buffy. How much did you enjoy playing the character, and did you feel you got to know her pretty well over that time?
I really love Tara – I have an affinity for her. She was very reticent and insecure in the beginning. I think by the end she was much more comfortable with who she was and a much more happy person. Until this season, she was always over-ridden, she never really pushed the issue. I wanted to shake her and say, ‘Stand up for what you believe! Don’t get walked over!’ But that’s how some people are, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s hard to assert yourself, especially with very aggressive people around you like the Scoobies, who fight monsters for a living. Toward the end of this season, she really did stand up – she put that coffee mug down and spilled that coffee everywhere, telling Willow not to use her magic anymore! She definitely thought things through. She became the Giles when Giles left.

Tara seemed to get more love scenes than Giles did. Especially this season…
There’d been hints that we were going to have some fort of love scene [in ‘Seeing Red’], but I didn’t really understand what the extent of that was going to be until I went in for a wardrobe fitting and Cynthia, the wardrobe supervisor, said, ‘Now, what kind of modesty clothing [flesh-toned garb to simulate nudity] do you want?’ I hadn’t read Steve DeKnight’s script yet, and I was just like, ‘What are you talking about? Modest – I’m not modest – I want fully clothed!’ We  both had band tops. I had boxer shorts and she had biker shorts. We were in bed with the stupid satin sheet. I’d never experienced satin sheets before. I’d pull the sheet up, and two seconds later, she’s pulling on it, and it goes down, and I’m pulling it up – it’s so slick that it won’t stay where you put it. It slides. So I’m like this. [Amber mimes holding the sheet to her chest for dear life.]

What about the staging?
It was very low-key. Basically, they told me not to touch Alyson so much, because if Tara’s in bed with this girl that she’s in love with, of course, you’re going to be touching. But apparently I was overzealously running my hand up and down her arm. Alyson didn’t care, but the censors were going to care.

Speaking of physical action, what about falling on the stairs in ‘Normal Again?‘
That’s all the stunt double – although I did [really] trip going down the stairs, a non-planned fall [Laughs]. Jamie, Alyson’s stand-in, actually went to fall. She was very good about it. She wants to be a stuntwoman. I’m the biggest klutz on the set. Remember Emma in that wedding dress? I got that dress off of her at least four times, because I’d be following her and I’d step on the dress and she’d be pulling it back up. But she looked gorgeous in that dress.

When did you find out that Tara was going to die?
I knew at the beginning of Season Five that Willow was going to go bad and that I was going to be the impetus for that, but I wasn’t 100 percent certain about the dying until the very end of last season. I mean, I wasn’t at all surprised when Joss finally told me when were shooting the season finale last year. He was all excited about it. In fact, I even knew I was going to be in the main credits just for the one episode [“Seeing Red”]. Joss was like, ‘I want to put you in the credits,’ and I’m like, ‘That’s so evil! How can you do that to the fans?’
    As much as I hate the fact that she died, I think that it was needed. I know they were really worried about making people unhappy, but it was the only way to take Willow to another level. It furthered the plot and made it possible for Willow to go bad. This was the only thing that could have pushed her over the edge. I was all for me being maimed and coming back, but it wouldn’t have been enough. I feel as upset about it as the fans do. I know it was necessary, but still, ‘No, don’t kill her, I love her! She’s part of me!’ I thought I was going to be dead in the 16th episode. They just kept pushing it back, so I didn’t know when I was going to be dying, because they switched around the episodes.

It all happened so fast in ‘Seeing Red’ – Do you think Tara even knew she’d been shot?
We never really talked about it. I’m assuming she realized, as we all do when we die, that we’re dying. I hope – I mean, maybe we don’t all realize, maybe we just die, we don’t even have the consciousness of the act.

What was it like filming that fatal scene?
I’ve never played a character that dies before. It was quite enlightening – now I know how to die properly. You didn’t ever see me get shot. You saw the blood splatter on Willow first, and then you come to me and you see the bullet hole. It was just put on my costume. They had trouble because the fake blood was so thin. It didn’t have body to it; it was just water. It would hit Willow’s shirt, and the shirt would just suck the whole thing up. It would be like a big stain. So they had to basically Scotch-Guard her shirt and figure out how to get it one way and make it stay that way. Alyson had to have that done a bunch of times. It was really intense.

Did you enjoy playing opposite Adam Busch, who played Warren, Tara’s murderer?
I only had one little scene with him in ‘Life Serial,’ when he planted the bug on Buffy. But I got to spend time with the guys [Adam Busch, Danny Strong and Tom Lenk] off-screen because a lot of times, we had two units at the same time – we’d be doing the boys in their lair and then we’d be doing the Scooby stuff. I love Danny and Tom and Adam. They’re so sweet, I was totally bummed I didn’t get to work with them.

What was it like playing dead?
It was actually really tough, because a good friend of mine passed away from cancer at the end of last year – Marti Noxon’s assistant, J.D. Peralta, a wonderful, incredible human being. We were all really close to her at work and having to play dead in the same place where I spent a lot of time with this person was really unsettling. It just brought back a lot of memories. And then I had my cake afterwards. I was dead the last episode, so when they brought me the cake to say thank you for Tara, and it says, ‘Tara’ and it has a headstone and it says, ‘Rest in Peace,’ I was in tears. Everybody was crying, because it was so sad.

What was the fan reaction like?
After the episode where Tara was killed, my friend Richard went online and checked it out. People got really upset, writing, ‘They killed the gay character, just because she was gay.’ I think people were worried about that. I truly, 100 percent believe that was not he case, that was no the intention. If you look back on the progression of Tara and Willow’s relationship, it was about two people who were in love, regardless of gender. And I think the death was treated the same way. If I’d been a guy, if I’d been Oz, it would have been the same thing.
    A friend of mine on the show said, ‘Do you want to go to this bar?’ I said, ‘Sure.’ So my mom and I go to this lesbian bar with my friend and this girl comes running over: ‘I think it’s horrible! I can’t believe they killed you character!’
    I did a comic book signing in Santa Barbara. My mom came with me and was talking to this girl, who said, ‘I hope that Amber does more signings and conventions, because otherwise, I’ll never see her again. It makes my life better to watch her on TV and I don’t have that anymore, so make her go to more signings, so I can at least see her!’ It really made me feel good that Tara had the impact that she had. Until people come over and say, ‘Hey, you had an impact,’ you don’t know.
    I’ve really enjoyed the relationship I’ve had with the fans. They’ve been so cool and supportive of what I do. Most of the fans online are really cool. We have some amazing fans. Look what they do with the Posting Board Party every year. They raise money for the Make A Wish Foundation.

Is there any possibility that Tara may come back?
I don’t have a contract for next season. I don’t know what’s going to happen. So we’ll see.

In June, you were in a play, “Algor Mortis,” as part of the Blank Theatre Company’s Young Playwrights Series at the Hudson Theatre in Hollywood. What else are you working on at the moment?
I’m finishing up post-production on Chance [the independent film Amber wrote/produced/directed/stars in, co-starring James Marsters and Andy Hallett]. People that have seen the rough cut really like it. It was an amazing experience – the best time of my life, to tell you the God’s honest truth. I love filmmaking – I think I can make an even better film next time.

What do you think you’ve learned, both as a filmmaker and as an actress working on Buffy?
You need to be aware of what’s going on, so I’ve learned a lot in that respect, just from the Buffy crew. The crew is fantastic and they are so excited to be asked about what they do. I think any actor who doesn’t utilize the vast knowledge surrounding them on the set is insane. Sarah’s amazing, because she knows where her light is, she’ll stop right where the light is because she feels is on her face; she always knows where the camera is. I’m an oblivious actor. I act. I get lost in what I’m doing. I’ve learned a lot from watching Sarah.

Has working on Buffy been different for you than other acting jobs?
I definitely grew up over the course of three years. I really went into it being a little bit – not really new, I’ve been [acting] a long time, but just personally being young. I got my driver’s license, I bought a house – I stepped into the adult world. I left the kid world behind. I’ve done plays and films before, but a couple months and it’s over. It’s nothing like three seasons of a TV show. I’ve never had an experience like it. You really build relationships with the people you work with and you really come to know and love the character that you play. You don’t feel that way a lot of times about your character. You like them, you play them and then you’re done, you put them aside. But this you couldn’t put aside. It really stuck with me. I was really lucky, I had a really good run on Buffy.