I sit awake until the light starts to melt into the sky, a pinkish, purple haze on the horizon. I’ve been staring, thinking, meditating for a while, but it’s not working. I’m rattled by Marrak. By what he said. The Scythe nestled in my lap, I hear Aluwyn stirring behind me.

She asks me if I’m alright. I’m not sure how to answer at first. All I can hear are Marrak’s words in my head.

“It’s a stupor! They’ve got their hooks into you and they’ll never let go!”

I lie. I tell the Saga Vasuki that I had a bad dream. Surprisingly, she doesn’t ask for details, doesn’t put her arm around me… instead, she tells me she’s not surprised I have bad dreams, holding a weapon of war like the Scythe so close to me.

Then she takes it out of my hands before I can appeal. “You don’t need it anymore.” She proceeds to stab it into the ground, where she leaves it, standing upright in the sand. “The strength of the super coven comes from joining together, not cutting apart. That’s the source of our power.” As she touches the blade, a light shines from within the Scythe, catching her in surprise and causing her to shiver. She asks me again if I’m well, and I lie again, telling her that my head is still cloudy from the night before.

As I look for my canteen to quench my thirst, I can’t locate it. Aluwyn tells me there’s an entire ocean with which to quench my thirst, but I tell her that it’s too salty. Then, after the thought occurs to me, and, no doubt it comes from Marrak’s words, I ask her.

“Did you take it?” I ask my lover, looking over at her with accusation. She makes a joke, asks me to search her for it. I tell her I’m being deadly serious and that I need to know – is she being honest with me here?

With that, she produces my canteen, although for the life of me I have no idea, beyond alone time, what she intended with it. She asks me not to drink from it, since it comes from Mr. Caterpillar’s pool, but since I’ve drank it before, I tell her not to worry. She tells me that its bad for us, but I ignore her. She’s not playing full disclosure with me, clearly.

As soon as I drink it, I gasp in shock.

All I see in front of me, are the people I know. They’re all there, smiling, standing in front of me, happy. Except for Simone, I don’t know why she’s there. But the rest…. Vi, Anaheed, Kennedy… and older faces… Cordelia, Oz, Angel and Giles. Spike is there, grin on his face. Faith and Xander and Buffy and in the back, just behind Spike… Tara…

And there’s a girl next to Buffy, whose name, for the moment, escapes me… Who is she?

I come out of the vision of seeing my friends and drop the canteen. Aluwyn explains that she did warn me. But I’m infuriated, not just with her now, but mainly myself.

“My friends…. and the world’s all wrong. And I’m enjoying myself every night!”

My eyes are blinking now, too fast. Aluwyn comes behind me, offering me a comforting hug.

“Isn’t it wonderful?”

“No, it’s terrible! I came here to find a way to bring magic back to Earth! My friends! The whole planet needs me!”

She lets go at that and walks away from me, clearly upset and pouting, crossing her arms. This time it’s not cute.

“How did that place ever survive before you came along?”

I shock her with my words. “Oh no. You can’t tell me I’m the greatest witch ever to stir a cauldron and act like it doesn’t come with responsibility. I’ve been telling myself that enough for the past few days. While the people I love suffer.”

“I thought I was one of the people you love?”

“You know you are.” I try to reassure her, but I need her to understand me here. Clearly. “You make me feel special and powerful…”

I hesitate.

“But that’s the problem. I’m afraid I also love power.”

She tells me that there’s nothing wrong with that, or having power in my destiny. She insists she wasn’t trying to trap me here – just give me a place where I could feel safe and protected.

I tell her that it’s selfish though. Yes I got my magic back, but it wasn’t just about me. It was also about my world and the people in it. And I have to get back there.

She tells me I don’t have to justify my decision to her, and that’s good, I tell her, because it’s not about her. Heck, I’ve realised this really isn’t even about me.

That’s all well and good, she tells me, but she still has no way to help me. She slithers towards the water for a moment, but I call after her.

“No. That’s what you told me.”

“You’d think I’d lie?” She turns towards me, not angry, but hurt.

“I think you’d trick,” I tell her, picking the Scythe up from the ground. “That’s why I chose you as my guide on the Witch’s Path. Because you’d lead me to the truth, but you’d make me work to find it. And I know you’re hiding something from me now.”

“A gateway cannot restore magic to a world that has none of its own.”

I point at her now, having figured it all out.

It was her.

“Then what I was after, doesn’t exist. Which means I was following a false trail. The Divination spell I cast when I got here… it was only ever leading me to you.“

She then gives me the story I’ve heard more than once. How after our last conversation she was devastated and that she tried to find any way for us to be together again. She never stopped searching, but I roll my eyes.

She knew instantly when I arrived in this realm, she tells me, admitting her fibs. She knew my spell to lead me to power would fail, so she gave me everything I wanted. Led me to where I needed to go.

Which is what she wanted.

“I was trying to restore something I’d lost, too.” She tells me, snaking around me, her arm around my neck. “But my way of doing it was as doomed as yours.”

She knew I would never be with her while the people I love suffered. She couldn’t fix the problem. She tried to cover it all up, but it was all just…

Tricks.

I stop for a moment, letting the word hang. Her voice gets my attention. “You must save your world. When you have, we can be together again. To see if that’s the end of our quest… or another stop on the road.”

She sounds genuinely sorry now. I can see it in her eyes.

“I will be there, however I can, whether as guide or whatever else you need.”

I look into her eyes. I tell her I need someone who will stay by my side, even if I am doomed to fail. Someone who wants this as badly as I do.

She looks down at me, deep sincerity in her eyes. “I know,” she tells me.

A short time later and I’m standing in the wilderness, Scythe in hand. Marrak is asleep in a mound in front of me, trying to sleep in shade behind a large rock. I wake him up by calling his name. He looks up at me, half asleep.

“I’m ready.” I announce.

“Ready to find a source of magic. To bring it home. I’m sorry I got distracted. I’m ready to move on. This world does not have what we need.”

“About time you figured that out. But I think it might have a neighbour that does.” He points at the Scythe as he gets up. “The Scythe can tell us for sure.”

Agreeing, I begin to draw my symbols in the sand for the divination. Marrak’s impatient, telling me that it’s only a divination spell – I’m not drawing the Sistine Chapel!

I ask him if he wants to do it, but he declines. All he wants is for me to take all of this seriously. He thinks I’m holding back, holding power in so I don’t unleash my dark side.

“If you don’t want to get your hands dirty, let me channel some power into the Scythe. I sucked plenty out of the poultry section.”

I look up at the sky and then down on the ground. No birds in the sky, but there’s some dead on the ground. “You killed all of them?”

“They’re parasites,” he says, kicking one over in the dirt. “Barely alive in the first place. Next time you’ll be crying over lice.”

I tell him that it’s him I’m worrying about, which he looks surprised at. “I can feel the dark magic coming off you in waves.”

He starts to shout at me, tells me that while I’ve been having fun with the ‘Lilith fair’, he’s been gathering as much power as he could!

I shake my head, but proceed towards the symbols now complete in the sand. But it’s bothering me. There’s something familiar about the magic. I express my concerns, but he tells me that not everyone goes dark at too much power,

“Just because you couldn’t handle the power, doesn’t mean no one can! You traded one habit for another! Now you’re addicted to judging people. Remember girl, I’m the one who pulled you out of the Earth-Mother crack house!”

I sigh. “Let’s get this over with.”

I walk over into the centre of the symbol and waste no time summoning the spell.

“Reveal what we seek… Show us….”

An image appears in front of us. An image of Marrak that yells a word.

“ANSWERS!”

Marrak looks at me confused. “Something is off. If I had the answers, I wouldn’t…” I interrupt him. It doesn’t mean he has them. But it does mean he’s right.

“I’m glad you finally admit it.”

The voice comes again, but I can’t see the image this time. “The Liminals,” it says, not as loud as before. It doesn’t matter. The Liminals was all I needed.

“I think I know where we need to go,”

I start opening the portal to the next dimension. The tunnel opens in front of us, golden and bright, warm and welcoming.

Marrak’s right to follow me. That was the most accurate divination spell I’ve ever done. Not because I asked the right questions, but because I was more open to the answers.

I got two. One, I’ll find what I need on the next world, the Liminal Lands.

Two, I was right: Marrak can’t handle the power he’s playing with. But I can. I’m stronger than ever. But the magic’s not controlling me… because I’m not trying to control it.

I’m letting it guide me…

When we arrive at our destination, at least there’s a sun in the sky. Unfortunately, just like the last one, it’s also a desert. Sand everywhere, no people, no creatures. Just blistering heat. A tad nicer than the last wilderness.

“This?”

Marrak’s not impressed in the slightest.

“This is your grand destination? What am I not seeing?”

“This is where the spell took us. What we need is here, we just need to figure where.”

“You went in blind?” He turns to me angry. “You let a spell tell you what to do? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!”

His volume takes me by surprise. I take a step back without realising it.

“What do you expect me to do now? Commune with this wasteland of a world, while I slowly die of thirst?”

At least I can help with that, handing him my canteen, offering him water. He remembers the last time he drank it though, and declines the offer. He stomps off, muttering that he needs to take more of a hand in things.

“You do your ‘one with the universe’ bit. I’ll scout around, see what tangible things this place has to offer.” As he moves off, and I sit cross-legged on the ground, I smile. He just reminded me of Spike.

But I don’t care what Marrak says. We came to this place for a reason. And, y’know what, I like it here. It’s peaceful and brighter.

There’s something here. I just need to let myself see it. Put down everything I’m carrying, body and mind, and focus on the light.

Now, I see. It’s not flashy, or obvious, but the magic here is so pure. Part of everything. The sand, the rock… got to let it become a part of me…

Shed all my burdens. All my worldly concerns. Just become the light…

And then it just comes to me. Hits me. If it was a dog it would’ve bitten me… Oh. Oh, wow! Is this the answer?

Am I the answer?

Aluwyn said Earth needs an anchor. It’s own source of magic, before it can bring magic from anywhere else. Could that source be me?

Could I be the new Seed?

And if I can, what happens to what I used to be?

Is that the cost? The cost of restoring magic?

That I lose myself?

But I wouldn’t. Not really. I’d be connected to everyone and everything. Everyone and everything I’ve ever loved. They’d all be a part of... Oh…

Here I am, worrying about what it would do to me. When I should be worrying about what it would do to them. To everything. To Aluwyn. To Buffy. To Giles. To…. who is that?

They’d all be a part of me.

The good parts and the black-eyed veiny parts.

What did Mr. Caterpillar say: “Light and dark are not so easily disentangled.”

But I can’t just shed my dark side. There’s no need to rub it in.

“Willow?” The voice brings me out of my thoughts for a moment, but I refocus, trying to stay connected to the energies flowing through me. I turn and dismiss the interruption without looking.

“Are you back already? I though I’d have some alone time with my…”

Then I look.

“Myself,” I finish, as I see me in front of me. Not me as in now, but me as in then. All veiny and scary, black hair, black eyes and… black fashion style. Urgh.

“You’re not real. You can’t be real. I’m right here.” I pinch my skin by my side, just to make sure.

Ow.

“There can’t be two of you?” My doppelganger smiles at me. A twisted, leering smile.

“No. I’ve got enough problems just keeping you locked away!” I raise my voice, angrier than I expected to be. “So if this is some kind of “Dark Side taking on a life of its own” thing, you can just forget it! THERE IS ONLY ONE WILLOW!”

“Well, duh.” The dark me looks at me stupid and turns her back. She walks away. And then I follow, realising it at last.

“That’s true, isn’t it? That’s been my mistake. Acting like you’re a separate person. Something I can close off, run away from. When really there’s no light Willow. And no dark Willow.”

She starts to fade away now as I look in Dark Me’s eyes. At the same time, we both say it.

“There’s just Willow.”

And then she’s gone. I call after her, tell her I have more to ask, but I’m talking to wind and sand. “Are you gone forever? What does this mean?”

“Talking to yourself?”

Marrak. I turn to him and explain. “Mostly talking at myself.”

“Can you feel the difference in the magic here?” I ask Marrak, who for a moment looks confused. “It’s less explosive, more internal, but it’s easier to work with. Much more…”

“Boring,” he says, interrupting. “It’s fine as a means to an end, but we’re after stronger stuff. I figured out why we’re here.”

He looks and gestures around us at the desert. “‘Liminal’ means on a boundary. This dimension is a pathway to another. one where magic exists in it’s purest form. This power is what we chase every time we cast a spell. A whole world full of it.”

I’m surprised he doesn’t lick his lips, the way he says it.

“I’m gonna stick my hands in up to my elbows. Gorge myself on magic and bring it back home. And lucky you, you get to ride shotgun.”

I tell him to slow down, not liking the sentiments, but he continues, pulling me into an embrace suddenly. “I know what you want. Come here. Have a taste. I can channel some.”

I decline, struggle to release myself from his strong hold. This feels too familiar.

“Sure, it’s the dragon we chase,” he tells me, looking into my eyes. I can smell him, he’s that close. “Magic mainlined. I can get us there, get us all we need, but I’m going to need your help!”

He lets go for a moment. “You’ve got to give a little to get a little.”

What did he say?

I waste no time in springing into action, magical energies swirling around me. I push him back with an energy pulse and finally see him for who he is.

“GODDESS! I can’t believe I didn’t see it! It’s been on my mind more the past few days than in years, but with all the memory water and stuff, I didn’t even ask why. Why my head was giving me those memories.”

I conjure up a ball of living fire, intending to launch it at his head like a basketball. “You told me outright you were from Earth! Said a dark spell changed you. Didn’t mention who cast it.”

“Because it was you.”

He sneers at me. “Took you long enough… strawberry…”

That does it. Now royally pissed off, I throw the ball at him, sending him flying backwards. “DON’T CALL ME THAT! You pathetic, disgusting junkie!”

I slam Marrak with another blast and another. Finally the third melts his disguise.

He stands there. “Takes one to know one, kiddo. From where I’m standing, looks like the student’s become the teacher.”

I can’t believe he’s standing there in front of me.

I thought he was dead.

Mainly because I killed him.

Rack.

“I thought I…”

“Killed me? Came pretty close. Drained me of every shred of magic I had.”

He looks at me, those black eyes looking at me with power, beneath the long shoulder length hair. “Here,” he says, racing towards me,

“Let me show you how it feels!”