“GET AWAY FROM ME!”

I conjure up a wind blast, knocking some sand in his direction, whilst I prepare another draining spell. Rack is out of touch, not that he was ever really all there, but he’s not’s surprised. Just playing. He’s baiting me.

“You really didn’t think I’d figure it out Rack? You thought I was that same stupid girl?”

It’s my time to bait him. I want him to see me, as I am now.

“So much emotion. So much passion. Guess it’s true,” he says, that twisted tone, that patronising taunt layered underneath. “You never forget your first time.”

His voice takes me straight back there. I’m 21 years old again. Back in Sunnydale. Back in Rack’s place. The memory is crystal clear and, as I remember back, it sends a shiver down my spine…

“You have power, girl,” he had told me, grinning that disgusting smile. “Coming off you in waves.”

“I can do stuff. But I get tapped out quick, and I’ve used practically every spell I know.”

His arm reached to me, glowing red. “You’ve got to give a little to get a little, right?”

The red glow from his hand as he touched my chest, the pulling me closer, his greasy hair in my face. The cold, calculated whisper in my ear, whispering like seduction… “You taste like strawberries…”

I remember being on the ceiling, out of it.

“What do you think strawberry? Can you handle some more?”

Back in the desert, I shake the memory away. It’s done the job though: it’s riled me up, made me remember something I would rather forget. The eldritch energies that run pure in this dimension flow through my skin, my blood and to my fingertips ,where golden, dazzling light starts to charge.

“Hate to bruise your ego Rack, but yeah, I did just forget you. You were just my first dealer. You didn’t introduce me to magic – or abusing it. I was already on that road. You just saw an opportunity.”

I start to hover, the wind swirling the sand around me. “Because you’re a leech. A leech I thought I squashed.”

That gets his attention. He looks up at me, his hair out of his face, his eyes pulsating with anger and rage. “When you went dark? You pretty nearly did. I spent a month in a coma. Best trip of my life.”

He moves some of the sand with his power, just so he can see me clearly. I shudder again, just from his looking at me.

The guy makes my skin crawl.

“But I knew we’d see each other again strawberry. Say want you want. You need me. You always needed me.”

I look at him, preparing my response, but he speaks again. “Come on. You really think it’s a coincidence? Out of all the endless worlds in all the endless dimensions, you found your way back to me, when you most needed a fix.”

I fire my bolt at his smug face and he easily deflects it. He also says that I’m easily rattled, and I think to myself that he’s right: I let him get to me.

Stupid.

His next blast sends me reeling and I realise I’ve lost sight of the one thing I shouldn’t have.

Rack has the Scythe.

I yell at him, that it wasn’t made for him, that he can’t use it as well as me, but he shrugs.

As he tells me that he can do enough, he swings the Scythe, and a dimensional tear opens, but this time it’s not a small, warm and welcoming one.

We stop fighting as we stare at the hole in reality, fully open now, leading to a world that looks like… someone’s heart, with veins and arteries coming from it… Like the inside of a lifeform? Whatever it is, it’s literally pulsing, like it’s alive.

“Goddess,” is all I manage to say. It’s breath-taking. Even Rack is staring at it with a look of shock. It’s beautiful.

Rack looks at me across his shoulder. “Can you feel the power?”

“I can,” I tell him, slightly embarrassed and righteously furious that I have to agree with him. So plan B it is.

I conjure up a wind, enough to knock him on his ass. “And I’m not letting you anywhere near it.”

He catches himself as he goes backwards, using the Scythe to anchor himself. He sneers at me, and then throws his hands out. “Wasn’t asking,” he tells me as a shockwave heads towards me and the portal.

Idiot. I shrug it off. “You want a magic duel? With me? You’re definitely high.”

As I finish my spell in my head, the sand blows together, all the grains in unison, and quickly come together into a sand giant. It also looks like me. It picks Rack up like the tiny bully he is.

But this seems to delight him. As the giant keeps a hold of him, he stares straight down at me. “Good,” he grins. “Now we’re having a conversation.”

I command the giant mentally and it tries to hold onto him, but he’s too quick. He manages to break free with a deflection chant.

“All you do is use and destroy! You’re the opposite of what magic should be!”

He doesn’t look at me. Just continues battling the giant. “What’s that? Ponies and rainbows? No… it’s whatever Willow wants. I may be scum. Let’s face it, I am. But you’re a brat.”

He casts an illusion around me. I’m suddenly a five year old, that Barbie that Xander killed in my hand, except now it’s not a doll. There is blood on the floor. The doll is that strange girl I keep seeing, the one who’s name I can’t remember. And all the time, the bastard just won’t shut up!

“You want what you want when you want it, and if you don’t get it people suffer and the rules apply to everyone but you.”

Even though he’s making me angry, there’s some truth in his words. He calls me a hypocrite. I told him that he was wrong to kill the bog worm, but later I imploded the parent with no qualms. I spent years of my life guarding the world from the demons inside a Hellmouth, and now, here I am, willing to create one that will stain my world somewhere.

My quest, the most important task I have ever undertaken, the most pivotal challenge of my life so far – and what happens? I get distracted by a coven of witches who worshipped me and kept me permanently juiced up. I can see illusions around me, images of Aluwyn and the Goth-Witch with the spring voice. And the amphibian… their voices now yelling at me, not with pleasantness, but like zombies chanting for brains!

“Feel.”

“Taste.”

“Enjoy.”

“Forget.”

I’m overwhelmed as the images crowd me, but I dig within – realise that Aluwyn may be a trickster, but she’s mine. I signed up for her. I asked for her. That’s a strength, not a weakness.

I conjure a Devedian bubble spell, which forms around me, dissipating the illusions until they fade away on the breeze. I’m hovering now, facing Rack, energy swirling around my hands.

“I’ve been weak and selfish. Left my friends because I wanted more power than them. But I’m better. I didn’t just use Angel – I forgave him. That helped me connect to my dark side.”

I trap him in a mirror, split images of him now staring at me, large as life, still not able to see the seriousness of what he’s doing.

“So inspiring. Can’t wait for the self-help book.” He raises his hands, Scythe still by his side, and he shatters the glass. He’s still talking, but now he’s powering up more, doubtless through his wielding of the Slayer weapon.

And then he actually tries to justify himself!

“I’m trying to solve the problem of bringing magic back to Earth! Remember that one? If you do it’s because of me! Without me, you’d still be nodding in a mother-goddess shooting gallery, You should thank me for the chance to tap some real power! Here… have a taste!”

A loud sonic boom fills the air and a burst of that red hits me. He amplifies the effect using the Scythe, striking it into the ground.

He looks shocked when I deflect it.

“That. Was. A. Mistake.”

I use my magic, reach out, and telekinetically remove the sacred blade from his grasp. It flies through the air, seemingly recognising the feminine call to my aid. “Real power isn’t something you steal. It’s something you earn. It comes to you from everywhere. You tried everything to make me go dark and it didn’t work. Told you I wasn’t the same girl.”

He stands there now, staring at me, leer on his face. Smiling, arms folded, he mocks me. “Then why are your eyes black?”

“What?”

“Ha! Still your own worst enemy!” Realising he was lying, I’m slightly later than him as he uses his own magic, propelling himself like a bullet at me. The portal behind us is still flickering, as if it’s reminding us it’s still open. He grabs a hold of my waist as we both careen towards the opening, the desert disappearing as we enter the golden light.

I break free of him, trying to follow the flow of the energies.

“I’m going home kiddo, back to Earth. Bringing magic back with me on my terms, in my control. That’s what you want too. Why fight it?”

“I’m not. I’m fighting you.” I block his next blast, the surroundings around us resembling red, sticky flesh – like we’re inside a living being. He continues to taunt, telling me to give him my best shot, unleash my power, allow the real me out. In the confusion, the Scythe is suddenly out of my hand and I lose sight of it.

“No…”

I regroup, looking for the Scythe, but it’s no longer in view. But I don’t need the Scythe. I’m not a Slayer.

I am a Goddess.

I power my hands yet again, letting loose a barrage of energy that I continually throw in his direction. “It’s all the real me.”

I fly towards him, explaining that he’s too transparent. “I know what you’re trying to do,” I tell him. “Why you need me. You want the power to tear this place up? Find a wellspring of magic? Get it somewhere else.”

“I’m done feeding your habit.” I fly away from him just out of reach of his range. He tries firing another blast at me, but I dodge it. He keeps on trying, bless his cotton socks, but he’s playing a losing game and he’s not even aware of it. He defiantly yells in my direction, in frustration more than anything else.

“I’m trying to give you want you want. What our world needs! You heard the caterpillar – energy comes from opposing forces! Dark and Light. You and Me. Working together.” Pieces of flesh come loose from the surrounding space, grabbing a hold of my wrists. Holding me firmly in place.

Well, darn.

He comes towards me, sinister intent in his features. “If you’re too damned soft to do what’s gotta be done, fine. We’re here. I don’t need you or the Scythe anymore.”

His hands start glowing and I recognise the spell.

I’ve used it before.

The time I killed him.

“But I’m gonna give you a little payback for the last time we saw each other. Drain the power out of you just ahead of the life. Guess there’s no reason the opposing forces can’t be in the same place.”

And then he hears it.

Rack.

He turns around, thinking it’s me. The voice starts as one, but soon, it’s repeating his name, over and over again, the words overlapping and becoming entwined. “You’ll need to do better than that, strawberry.”

Rack.

I look at him. Complete sincerity in my eyes. I have no clue what’s happening as the voices carry on. “That wasn’t me.”

Rack. Rack. Rack.

The entire structure around us starts to chant his name. Now I see where we are. It resembles a blood canal. Veins and sinews and globules all around us.

Not globules. Blood cells, or at least this dimension’s equivalent? Either way, I studied enough biology with Dr Gregory in tenth grade.

They surround Rack, still calling his name. “There’s too many for either of us alone! They’ll come for you next!”

And with that, Rack is gone, consumed, or ejected perhaps, from this plane. And then the voices change. Their focus zeroes in on the other intruder.

Willow.

“Oh boy.”

Willow. Do not be afraid.

They come toward me, address me now. Talking. I reach out, try to discover who’s speaking. “What are you doing to him?”

A body has defences. To remove invaders that would cause it harm. You are also an invader. But you have caused no harm.

“I try to be a good guest.” I’m emboldened by the softness and gentleness in it’s tone, far different from the savage, quick whispers earlier.

“You said a ‘body’. Like the embodiment of magic?” Is this creature, this source, like, Mother Earth?

Magic is a fundamental force. It cannot be contained in one body. Even one the size of a universe. But I suppose I am an embodiment. Of myself.

“So this is the dimension fortune cookie slogans come from.” I can’t resist the quips. I hate cryptic passages.

Just say what you mean.

I can sense your frustration. I explain as best I can, but some things are complex. All beings are complex. Like you.

I look down at my chest. I can see inside my own body, but not organs. I can see the energies, the feelings, the passions. Everything that makes my link to magic possible is all still there. It’s connected, all of it, all to something intense, something… more. Something that’s absolutely…

Beautiful, yes.

Not despite the imperfections, but because of them. The way they shape the whole.

Because you have stopped fighting them… and begun learning from them.

Rack was right. Opposing forces can exist in the same place.

They must.

“Then you understand that the physical and the spiritual need each other. That’s why I have to bring magic back to Earth. I mean, yes, I want it, but Earth needs it. Please, if you’ll help me, I’ll do anything.”

What you want cannot be.

No gateway could carry enough magic to fill your world, or restore all that has been lost.

That must come from within.

From the heart.

And in front of me, I see it. Oh my Goddess. It’s like the brain of magic here, or a representation of it.

“But the Seed of magic was destroyed! Earth doesn’t have a heart anymore!”

But you do.

I feel it before I see it. A golden glow, circling around me. Then another, swirling. It’s a warm feeling, a glowing one, and I feel an immense amount of peace as it grows more and more.

“That feels like something filling me. Not power… not something that just wants more, but something that’s always been there. Just out of reach.”

I look around me. It looks like I’m in space, but I can still breathe. “What is this?”

A gift. One you are finally ready to receive.

There is still magic in your world. But without the Seed, it only exists where it is inherent.

Part of the essence of a being.

Given only to you, but not only for you. Before now, could you have appreciated the distinction?

Rack brought you to the truth. There is no light Willow or dark Willow. No dark magic or light magic.

Only dark intent and action.

For good or ill, Rack has been a teacher for you. At first, you learned the wrong lesson. Now you have learned the right one and you do not need him anymore.

Turn around.

I do and the sight is unbelievable.

I feel so small, but it’s there, hanging in space like a Christmas bauble on an invisible tree. The planet Earth.

“Home, but I still don’t…”

Suddenly, a light, silver and bright, shines out of the corner of my eye. As I look and the light clears, the Scythe is there, in front of me, close to my hands.

Wait. You still have need for the Scythe. At times, only separation can bring about unity… and we must be destroyed to become whole.

“My canteen. It had some really powerful water in it.” I’m joking, but without the initial taste, would any of this have worked? Did it give me the power I needed, the push?

You do not need that any longer. As you have learned, true power lies elsewhere.

Your friends. You missed them while still among them. Will that remain a problem?

“No.” I realise how much I’ve missed them all. Buffy, Xander, heck even Andrew.

Then the power you sought… is within you.

“But I don’t know what to do with it.”

I’m lowered gently down through the air, gently on the wind until, within moments, I’m almost down in the centre of San Francisco.

No? Now you can find out.

And then the voice is gone.

A kid on a skateboard goes racing past me, almost hitting me.

“Hey! Watch it. You could get hurt you know, coming out of nowhere like that.”

He skates past me and I call after him. “Sorry. But it’s not about where I came from.”

I smile as I walk down the street. “It’s about where I’m going.”

I walk through the streets and look around at the people. Nothing seems to have changed. Story of my life. My grand quest is over and I don’t know if I succeeded or not.

I didn’t restore magic to Earth, but I restored magic to me. And me to Earth.

Rack would’ve hoarded it… revelled in it, like Uncle Scrooge in his money pit.

Hell, who am I kidding? That’s what I would’ve done. But not anymore.

Being the only one with magic… makes me want to share it. I can still give magic back to the world. Kinda.

I sit on the steps outside the apartment block where Buffy lives. I see a little kid on the sidewalk. I guess I’m just going to have to get up close and personal.

As I watch the child, he picks up some coloured chalk and starts drawing on the sidewalk. It’s a delight of colour, with space-ships and stars and planets and alien creatures.

But more importantly, it’s full of imagination. Full of life. Full of the promise of hope.

Full of magic.

I hope that’s good enough.