Angel, sat researching through the Watcher Diaries, realises that sometimes he misses being a detective. He was always a fan. Spent years telling Chandler to do more Phillip Marlowe to no avail whilst in Hollywood. And it should have been obvious to most that he got a kick out of Angel Investigations. Sure it was a way to help people, but it was also his way of paying homage to his love of the genre.

Now that it’s all over, he’s quite happy to take his cues from the Diaries: sure he’s trying to bring Giles back, but he also has something worthwhile to do, chasing down leads.

Today, he thinks, with the rain hammering on the London streets and a deep knock on the heavy door during the middle of the night, he misses it more than he thought: knowing that there could be someone, perhaps a beautiful woman like in the movies, on the other side of that door who desperately needs his help…

When he opens the door, however, he’s reminded, instantly, why he gave it all up: in front of him, for the first time since he last saw her in Los Angeles, is vampire celebrity and his former secretary Harmony Kendall, hiding her blonde locks away from the rain with an umbrella, provided over her bought beauty by her personal assistant Clem. He is also carrying a chihuahua.

Shrieking loudly, Harmony launches herself into Angel, throwing her arms around his neck and proclaiming excitedly that its been forever since they’ve seen each other. Faith looks confused, asking Angel who these people, presuming he knows them, are? Angel introduces Faith to Harmony, and although Harmony insists on Faith knowing who she is, the Slayer genuinely does not have a clue. Clem introduces himself to Faith as he walks in, Harmony bounding through as Angel formally invites her inside.

Faith is still scratching her head at the two newcomers. Clem mentions that Harmony is a celebrity who should have won last season’s Dancing with the Stars and is about to appear as a judge on Britain’s Got Talent! Angel tells Faith about his past with Harmony, that she was a high school friend of Cordelia’s who dated Spike, was turned at Graduation and was his secretary before she betrayed him. Harmony insists her actual job title was ‘executive assistant.’

As Faith makes a joke about being the only person in the gang not to have been with Spike, Harmony says that her visit is not a social call. She needs Angel and Faith’s help to save the most important thing in the world to her: her career.

She would like Angel to investigate something for her privately. Angel tells her that he doesn’t do detective work anymore, but Harmony ignores him, telling him that money is no object – someone has been blackmailing her. She motions at Clem, who pulls a pad from his jacket. He plays a video, one of Harmony in a compromising adult movie, that is being used to blackmail her.

Faith thought sex tapes helped the careers for chicks with no talent. Harmony doesn’t disagree, but things are getting weird now, she says. And it’s what comes next that’s the problem, she claims.

As the video continues, Harmony is seen biting the guy with her, and Angel asks why he shouldn’t stake her right this second: he’s just seen her on a video killing someone. But Harmony stops him: she didn’t kill anyone, she says, pointing at the screen. She sired him.

Faith raises her stake slightly. She thinks that’s worse. But Harmony insists that they actually had a deal: he was dying of cancer and it was arranged. Clem points out that Harmony is indeed the leading advocate for reforming vampirism – that only draining blood with permission is legal, with siring out of the equation completely. This video could ruin the movement – and it’s keeping vamps in line all around the world.

Angel doesn’t care. In fact, he tells her, he couldn’t actually care at all. She demands his help out of loyalty during the apocalypse, but Angel points out that she fled the scene before it all went to Hell. Literally.

Clem can see the situation is getting fraught and tries to calm the mood. “Things are tense out there,” the floppy-skinned demon admits. “All the old rules of human and demon interaction are gone, except Harmony’s. She saves countless lives just by being the inspiration she is. If anything happens to her – or her image – that’s all over.”

He reasons with Angel and Faith. Do they really want ‘vampire supremacists who think humans are walking juice boxes’ around? Because they’ll be in charge if Harmony isn’t. Angel and Faith exchange worried glances. They know that Clem is telling the truth. They need to help Harmony.

In Kensington, the pair are soon standing in Harmony’s home, a large sprawling estate, located not that far away from a royal residence. It’s garish and loud, massive portrait of it’s owner on the wall, unicorn statues and models everywhere. Examining the envelope the blackmailer sent, Angel asks how anyone could get their hands on the videos. Harmony chides him, telling him that the file came on a flash drive, and it’s her video – as in her property. After her show was cancelled, she needed something to boost her image. Faith asks her who has access to her stuff, but as Harmony reels off a long list, Faith suggests it might be easier to narrow it down to people who hate her, but realises that list may also be infinite.

Angel instead asks who benefits from blackmailing her. The vampires think she’s a traitor to their kind and would gladly release the video and grab Harmony’s cash at the same time. Clem, whilst complimenting the two at work, hands them all the hate mail that Harmony gets. One envelope, the same as the other, catches Angel’s eye. He reminds them that these days, tracking down vampires who still sire people is no longer as difficult as it once was.

In a local playground, some vampire thugs have tied up their victims upside down from a swing set. They have zompires guarding their perimeter – newly sired vamps who have no intelligence but have more strength. Angel explains what the new creatures are to Faith, Harmony and Clem, who are sheltered next to him, hidden in the foliage of the park, observing the vampires and preparing to strike. “The last thing we need is for the zompire population to explode,” Angel whispers. Harmony instantly sees the mindless zombies as a cool gimmick for her big comeback, but Angel tells her to be quiet and she instantly changes her mind, declaring the whole concept horrible.

As Angel and Faith enter the fray, Faith asks Harmony to get the smart vamps, but Harmony insists that her outfit is couture and that simply wouldn’t be possible. The vampires look up at the sounds, furious that their meal is being interrupted. One of them recognises their company. “It’s that race traitor slag with the fat arse,” one says in a cockney London accent.

Harmony, enraged, forgets all about the outfit, yells loudly that she is currently retaining blood and she is now going to kill them all! She attacks, but some of the other vampires have read in US Weekly that her pet chihuahuas are her first love and spot Clem at the side of the field, holding the dogs. Faith tells him to run as the vampires crowd towards Clem, but he smiles at her.

“I can’t. I pulled a hamstring in stripperobics class. Got it caught in a door and just pulled the heck out of it. But it’s okay,” he grins, pulling the dogs closer. “I take self defense class too,” he says, the skin on his face unfolding to reveal what’s underneath. A legion of snakes emerge from underneath the grooves in his forehead and his chin, coming forth and ravaging the vampires.

Nearby, Faith and Angel are realising how much stronger the zompires are, but they know together they can win. Faith swings her sword, which slices straight through one vampire. Shortly afterwards, the survivors of the group are on their knees. Angel asks them where they got the sex tape. They deny knowing what Angel is talking about, but Harmony claims that they’re lying. They clearly want to ruin her carefully groomed image by exposing her most private acts of love!

The vampires still appear to be confused. Which tape?, the lead one asks. He has her collection, all 12 of them. He even has one here, he says, pulling one out alongside a marker, gesturing for her to sign the item. The other vamps are disgusted with his choice in pin-ups, but Faith stakes one, shutting them up. The lead vampire knows nothing about a tape of Harmony siring any guy, but can tell straight away that it would be worth a fortune. As Harmony stakes the vamp, Angel realises how right he was. He turns to Harmony: “I didn’t realise how famous you were.” He coughs. “Sorry that stuck in my throat.” But he realises now that there was no need for blackmail at all, because the tape itself would make the blackmailer a millionaire. So it’s not for profit, it’s clearly a personal grudge. Whoever is doing this, wants Harmony to squirm. Faith sighs. Looks like they’re going to have to make that list after all.

Quite some time later, Harmony has reached the ‘V’ part of her alphabetical enemies list. Most of them are nonsense, so Angel asks her for any people who’s families she may have killed or the people she’s sired. Harmony doesn’t think it’s important as it was all before this, but Angel insists. Harmony asks how she would remember all of that? Faith is disgusted that Harmony could have killed that many victims and not know their names.

Harmony tuts and looks at Angel. “Angel, do you know the names of the people you killed?” she asks, hoping his answer will support hers. However, Angel turns to her, stern look on his face. “Every one.” Harmony shrugs him off, explaining that that is why he’s just a detective and she’s a star. She starts quoting celebrities at Angel, all the quotes talking about past mistakes and guilt, and how it’s pointless looking back. She admits that yes, she was a murderer. But unlike Angel she decided to let go of the past and embrace her future. “And because of me,” she adds, “vampires and humans are living in perfect harmony. Mostly.”

She calls her assistant, a Pylean female, into the room, planning a way to improve Angel’s image. First, they cannot tip toe around the whole Twilight thing. They should start rumours to get round that. Maybe a sex tape? She asks Clem to get her camcorder ready and starts fixing her hair, as her assistant writes all of this down. Angel declines the tape. Harmony continues anyway, hoping this will draw her blackmailer out. Angel tells Faith that their list is not getting any smaller, and Faith wonders if the PR thing will help them. Angel doesn’t really care. People have always had reason to hate him and he can’t see how anything is going to make that change.

Faith stands there, looking at Harmony. “Look at her. She has zero guilt about anything she’s ever done. And she’s making more of a difference that we ever did.” Harmony is now shouting at a magazine photo cover of herself. She looks older than she should in it! She yells at Clem to get the photo out of her sight, kicking at it and ripping the heel of her shoes straight through it! She also yells at Clem for letting it happen.

Angel says that Harmony has no conscience. She’s a killer, to which Faith responds that they all are. Clem speaks up: apart from him, he says. His kind feed on emotions. He’s leaving. He can see when Harmony is annoyed with him.

Faith tells Angel that it might be good to forget about their pasts for a little, but he asks what scares her more: thinking about what they’ve done, or what would happen if they forgot? Faith understands. She rips Harmony’s list of enemies up as Harmony hits a delivery man with the bouquet he’s just delivered for her.

Faith suggests they follow some ancient wisdom she’s heard. Harmony asks where they’re going. Faith tells them that when all else fails, she has an ideal solution: it’s time for them to bust some heads!

It doesn’t take long for the quartet to find a demon pool bar, where they begin asking questions by pummelling those who won’t help them. They make a rather effective team, surprisingly. As their travels around town following leads continues, they begin to realise how big Harmony’s movement has become.

By the time the night is finished, they are no closer to finding answers. Walking through Trafalgar Square, Angel tells them that Harmony has only one option left open to her: release the sex tape to the press and the public before the blackmailer does. Harmony questions why, but Faith assures her that it’s her taking control of the narrative and controlling the flow. Harmony agrees that redemption stories work and she thinks the tape shows off some of her best features.

Clem reacts in alarm. She cannot release the tape: what if her followers abandon her, refuse to forgive? The world loves her right now and she loves it loving her. He loves it loving her because he loves her too! Clem insists that he will handle the whole thing and pay off the blackmailer, make this whole thing go away.

Harmony is stunned: he could, and would, do that for her? Angel agrees with Clem. “Sure he can. He’s the one blackmailing you.”

Harmony stops, looking genuinely upset. She calls Angel a crappy detective and reemphasises that Clem is her soul mate. He would never do that to her as her best friend. She turns to Clem, who has a smile on his face. It starts to fade when she asks him why.

Clem tells Harmony that he would never have released the tape. He just wanted to be valued. He points out that she doesn’t even pay him minimum wage. Angel prods him from behind. “Now tell her the real reason,” he pushes Clem.

Awkwardly, Clem takes a deep breath and exhales. “I love you, Harmony. I’ve tried to tell you a million different times, a million different ways. But you can’t see what’s right in front of you.” He tells her that he figured that if he stopped the blackmail that she’d see him as the hero, but instead she called in Angel. “Now, because of them,” he starts, changing his mind mid-sentence, “No, who am I kidding, because of me… I’ve lost the woman I love and my best friend.” He looks sadly away from Harmony.

She moves towards him slowly and then kisses him on the cheek. “You haven’t lost me,” she tells him tenderly. He asks if this means she loves him too. She hits back: unfortunately she only dates tens, but she tries to explain in her own way: “With great fame comes great responsibility to only boink people as hot as you. Clem, can you imagine me on the cover of People with you? It’d be as bad for my career as the tape getting out.”

She agrees, however, that since Simon Cowell is currently paying his salary, that he can have his raise and they can forget this ever happened. She pushes him with a smile, gathering her dogs in her arms. She’s late for a mud bath and could use a hot-stone massage. She beckons Clem to follow. Angel starts after her, telling her that she can’t just dismiss Clem like that, but Clem follows along after her, saying how Calistoga mud makes his skin supple. Harmony turns to him. “Letting go, Angel. You should try it.” She hands him an envelope. It contains her image plan for him. She gives him one of her own quotes as she walks away from Angel and Faith: “The only reason to look back is to check out your own ass,” she smiles.

After she and Clem have gone, Angel stands in silence. Faith looks at him. “Well,” he starts, “That was…”

“Uh huh,” Faith nods. They both stay on the same spot, glancing down at the envelope.

“So,” Faith enquires, “any takeaways from all that?”

Angel looks at her. “Yeah,” he says, placing the envelope in the nearest trash can. “Famous people are crazy.” He walks off. Faith looks at the envelope for a moment and then follows after her friend.